MmMmTasty

The Space Between

Many years ago when I started this blog, I originally called it "The Space Between."  It was envisioned to be the space between who I was as a Mama and who I was as a 'me.'  Instead, it became a space that reflected almost purely the Mama-side of me.  For lots of reasons, that side of me is subsiding and the old me is lunging forward.  Who knows what this will mean for the mama-side of me.  It still presses forward, wanting to blog here with snapshots of growing children, sad that my thoughts and days no longer rest only upon them.  But, for so long I have only managed to be one or the other.  I hope to figure out a way to exist in the space between.  Early on in the journey of mothering these three, I knew this was for the best.  I just need to remember that instinct as I move out of the world of black and white, into the grey - the space between.

A Challenge

I have set a small challenge for myself.  Instead of saying I need to blog more often, I have created the intention to blog on days I am at home with the kids.  For me, that is Tuesday,  Thursday and the weekend.  

My hope is that this new rhythm will bring me back to my center; a place that smiles at the small moments and big triumphs of life with littles.  

I have lost a lot of that in the last year. I have battled the waves of work commitments and the endless reach for the dry land of adjustment to life with three under the age of five, then six, and soon to be seven.  This late winter and early Spring have been especially challenging on my attitude, as the children battled many illnesses and burnout has licked my heels.

I am hoping a return to regular blogging will bring me home.

It is where I belong.  It is where I thrive.  

SNOW DAY::HAPPY DAY

From: CDC Emergency Notification 
To: CDC *All 
Sent: Sun Jan 09 22:55:10 2011
Subject: CDC Atlanta Closure – January 10, 2011 

Due to adverse weather conditions expected for Monday, January 10, 2011, in the metro Atlanta area, all CDC Atlanta offices will be   CLOSED for all non-essential employees. 

 

All employees who have remote access for telework are encouraged to work from home. 

*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*

Below, are some pictures of me teleworking from 10am-11am.  ;)

 

A perfect day

Perfect days don't come around here much anymore.  The imbalance, of work to home, remains thick. But, a perfect morning happened two Tuesdays ago.  

I held back the twitches to check my blackberry until noon and I was blessed with a beautiful morning with my children.  It was a good lesson, an infrequent reminder that I was very happy not too long ago. I must remember that I can get back there pretty quickly, if I focus and concentrate on the present moment with my family.

Our perfect morning was made up of calmly getting my new first grader escorted to the school bus, new lunchbox in hand, packed up with a turkey and ham sandwich, NOTHING ELSE IN THE SANDWICH PLEASE, cut LONG WISE without crust.  Please.  It was zipped up with a frozen Stonyfield strawberry squeeze yogurt, and some Sunchips (which aren't so healthy despite the crackly compost friendly bag), a bag of red seedless California grapes and a thermos of water for snack time.

Then, I and the remaining two kiddos scooted out to the park, nestled in a historic downtown area with a train that races past only 12 feet away every hour, or so.  We did all of this before the code orange air quality, spiced with a high of 95 degrees, took hold of our day.  

When we came home, the no-longer-baby, now one year old with a new haircut, happily took a nap.  

 

The three year old, who articulates thoughts and words so far beyond her age, and I, made blueberry muffins.  She cracked the eggs.  

 

We were both proud that today I had gotten it right.

*********

I hope to revisit how to use a comma properly, in the coming months....

The summer so far

 
 

It is easy to get wrapped up in the ups and downs of daily life: the hunt for a new baby-sitter, the coordination of a beach trip, the frantic pace of CDC, or the nightly race to get dinner onto the table before the pantry has been raided of cereal bars, almonds, or Gorilla Munch.  It wears me out.  And, I start thinking that I will live my life just as soon as things slow down.  I will blog about these days full of six year old serenades, and impromptu ballet performances by a three year old, just as soon as the baby goes to bed.  And as I should know so surely by now, the days barrel by and we have three weeks to go before summer break's end. 

 

Looking back at these pictures, I am forced to pause and see that the space between my work life and my home life is full of 'perfect.'  This perfection sits in the belly of my camera, evidence that my parenting is good, that my mistakes are far fewer than my monkey mind insists, and that my life is bursting with love.   Shame on me for forgetting so easily, for reaching for something more so readily.  

 

To be grateful, that is my practice here.

 
 

-n

Back to Life

So, it has been a while since I have visited this space.  Usually, when I am absent for so long, it means life has tipped out of balance.  That has certainly happened.  Work at CDC is busier than ever and likely to be even more hectic in the coming weeks.  The other thing that kept me away, was the unexpected illness and rapid death of my mother-in-law, Grandma Carolyn.  With Brian away for most of two weeks, two little girls anxiously missing their Daddy and awaiting lots of answers about illness, hospitals and death, there has been little time to blog.   

So, here I am again, trying to get back to our life, back to our routine and of course back to a home-centered life instead of a work-centered life. 

 
 
 In an effort to do just that, we packed up the kids to drive down the road for a picnic lunch on the Chattahoochee River.  We had sandwiches made at Great Harvest Bread Company (this was a spur of the moment decision and also a way to avoid a needed grocery store run that would further delay our trip), and tromped over to the river.  Unfortunately, the girls objected to the whole thing, every step of the way.  They just wanted to go to the park and swing.  I wanted an iconic family adventure.

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you will know that when I try to make things fancier than necessary, things rarely go my way.  This was no exception.  

We circled the tiny parking area and stopped the car.  We unloaded, set up the stroller, gathered the sandwiches and took the clearing in the woods.  I realized I had no mosquito spray.  I also realized that the entrance we always drove past and had never explored, may have only been a small boat ramp, mostly for canoes and there was only one picnic table, and it was adjacent to the parking lot.  We pushed along and found a parting in the trees with a lovely view of the river, and a sandy spot right on the waters edge.  Unfortunately, the sand was not sand, it was mud.   While lowering Sticky-Butt down the embankment, what I thought was solid soil, quickly slid out from under me and sent us both flying into the air.  We fell down the embankment and sunk about two inches into slurping and sucking mud.

Sticky-Butt started howling, "We should have never come here Mama!!!  I am covered in MUD!"  

It is here that I should note that Sticky-Butt has recently found an interest in keeping herself clean.  She enjoys using things like alcohol hand rubs, her toothbrush and her comb.  So, having river mud under her dress and all up her back, basically sent her into a nervous break down over being so filthy. (I wasn't so thrilled myself).

 

Thank God we had a change of clothes and a brand new packet of baby wipes in the back of the mini-van.  We stripped her down in the parking lot and cleaned her all up, promising a bubble bath as soon as we got home.  Brian, kindly dismantled the Wall Street Journal and draped it over the passenger seat so I had a place to sit.  One of these days, I will remember to have a mama change of clothes in the back of the van as well.

So, in the end.  We left the river within 10 minutes of arriving.  We ate our sandwiches at the kitchen table, while Sticky-Butt played in her fluffy bubbles.  And, I got my big adventure. It was iconic after all. Just not the way I had originally planned.  :)

Work

The workload at CDC is ridiculous right now.  I am furiously working on this, plus putting together messages on an outbreak caused by this (not to mention setting up interviews for Andy leading up to this piece), talking with an advocate (mentioned in that article) about a project she is working on, rewriting messages for this, rewriting all of this, reviewing an op-ed piece for her, giving my condolences to her husband, and millions of other things.  

Did I mention that this is all being crammed into PART-TIME?  And this was all just Friday and yesterday's work?  And only represents about half of what I did?  

Lord have mercy.  

But, I am grateful.  

Because today, I get to focus on the important stuff, and take care of them:

 

AND download some pictures as the above is uber-old.  ;)

-n